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For more than 15 years my father and I were not on speaking terms.

I believed he was a weak person. He didn’t stand up for me when I needed him to. I had this anger and resentment in my mental baggage for more than 20 years.

When I stood at his grave, I realized that distant, somehow fuzzy memories determined my relationship with him. He made many mistakes, that’s for sure. And the memories of these mistakes determined our relationship until the end of time.

How often does that happen to you in your private life? In business?

Way, way, way too often.

You hand an employee a task, they don’t meet your objectives and you conclude: “A: I should never trust this person again. B: I shouldn’t trust anyone.” Two wrong conclusions.

Not everyone will drop the ball. And that person might over-deliver next time. As a manager/leader/mentor, your job is to create an environment where people can perform and do their best work. Share your disappointment with the person and give it another shot. Maybe your assignment was vague, your timeline adjusted to your pace – so many reasons why things can go wrong.

Think more like a parent: Stuff happens, pasta plates get dropped. Clean up the mess, let’s not do it again and move on.

My past determined the future with my father. And we had none.

Don’t make the same mistake.